Nice to be here? At my age it's nice to be anywhere.

I honestly think it is better to be a failure at something you love than to be a success at something you hate.

You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you're down there.

There's an old saying, 'Life begins at forty.' That's silly. Life begins every morning you wake up.

Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.

First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.

Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxicabs and cutting hair.

I look to the future because that's where I'm going to spend the rest of my life.

It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth.

I love to sing, and I love to drink scotch. Most people would rather hear me drink scotch.

I get up every morning and read the obituary column. If my name's not there, I eat breakfast.

Grateful moments, blessed time.

Apologies, one loses perspective after spending a week in a brothel.

The bell tolling not for us, it’s time for bluebells.

There are no mistakes no coincidences. All events are blessings given to us to learn from.

When I commit, I commit with my whole heart, my whole being. I know the Bible like the back of my hand.

The next thing most like living one's life over again seems to be a recollection of that life, and to make that recollection as durable as possible by putting it down in writing.

My stand-up has a lot of performance in it, and I loved doing it so much that, after years, I put the idea of having a show on the back burner.

The production of children, the nurture of those born, and the daily life of men, of these matters woman is visibly the cause.

Fair Greece! sad relic of departed worth! Immortal, though no more! though fallen, great!

To have news value is to have a tin can tied to one's tail.