Night clubs scare me. They're dark and they stink and they're dangerous and everybody's drunk.

Next in importance to having a good aim is to recognize when to pull the trigger.

They say there are about 12 million illegal immigrants in this country. But if you ask a Native American, that number is more like 300 million.

Are we sure this is a good time to take God out of the Pledge of Allegiance?

I feel like Bush presidencies are like "Godfather" films. You should stop at two.

I was Christmas shopping and ran into a guy on the street. I noticed his watch and said that it runs slow. He said, "So does the guy I stole it from."

President Bush says he needs a month off to unwind. Unwind? When the hell does this guy wind?

Traffic signals in New York are just rough guidelines.

The White House is giving George W. Bush intelligence briefings. You know? some of these jokes just write themselves.

Way too much coffee. But if it weren't for the coffee, I'd have no identifiable personality whatsoever.

Somebody threw a book at President Obama. If you're trying to scare a president by throwing a book at him, you're one president too late.

When we take our doubts and questions to Christ, we get truthful answers. We get complete answers. We get the love, wisdom, and support we need.

A perfectly normal person is rare in our civilization.

Modern formulaic society will try to make you "normal, " rushing to call pseudoscientific anything you can do that they can’t.

It was hard to judge a man's full character by his bachelor party etiquette.

A tree doesn't make a thunderstorm, but any fool knows where lighting´s going to strike".

If some thug breaks into my home I can use my roundhouse kick, but I prefer he look down the barrel of my gun.

Disarmament by war and democracy by occupation are difficult prospects.

The business of philosophy is not to give rules, but to analyze the private judgments of common reason.

This building is like a book. Its architecture is the binding, its text is in the glass and sculpture.

In life, I'm pretty low-key and quite non-descript.