Ninety percent I'll spend on good times, women and Irish Whiskey. The other ten percent I'll probably waste.

Some days you tame the tiger, and some days the tiger has you for lunch.

Ten million years from now, when then sun burns out and the Earth is just a frozen iceball hurtling through space, nobody's going to care whether or not I got this guy out.

What is the difference between astroturf and grass? I don't know, I never smoked astroturf.

Kids should practice autographing baseballs. This is a skill that's often overlooked in Little League.

I have no trouble with the twelve inches between my elbow and my palm. It's the seven inches between my ears that's bent.

Always root for the winner. That way you won't be disappointed.

We called Pete Rose and Larry Bowa the soup spoons, because they were always stirring things up. Twenty years later, nothing's changed.

I don't know. I never smoked AstroTurf.

When I come into a game in the bottom of the ninth, bases loaded, no one out and a one-run lead ... it takes people off my mind.

I dunno. I never smoked any Astroturf. (When asked whether he preferred grass or Astroturf

Artemis felt like he was six again and caught hacking the school computers trying to make the test questions harder

Who are you to judge the life i livei know i'm not perfect and i don't live to be.but before you start pointing fingersmake sure your hands are clean.

You sure you're not just trying to get into my pants?" I joked, but I was already trying to figure out what one wears to a detox session in her boyfriend's dungeon-like bedroom.

I try not to think about my life. I have no life. I need therapy.

I think that in the last four or five years I've constantly struggled with the balance in my life.

The love of your life won't be the man you end up with, and you'll always compare the two.

The obligation to earn one's bread presumes the right to do so. A society that denies this right cannot be justified, nor can it attain social peace.

I'd rather live laughing for one year than live without laughing for one hundred.

I met my wife in Washington, D.C. I was a senior in college. WW II was about to descend upon us. Jobs were starting to open up after a prolonged depression.

I disapprove of lots of decisions made by George Bush: the war, the meddling in the affairs of other countries, the conversations with dictators; it was a dark time.