Ninety percent of all prisoners in all jails get out some day. So why not give them a little levity in what's otherwise a very dark life?

My parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles were all funny, and I felt that energy, that delivery, that timing, that sarcasm. All that stuff seeped into my brain.

Life is short. You have to be able to laugh at our pain or we never move on.

Do you want me to apologize after every joke? If it doesn't offend somebody it's probably not a joke. It's probably an observation that's not funny. It's gotta offend somebody somewhere.

I've actually tried to roast somebody that I don't like, and it doesn't go well. Either they're a bad sport or I'm not as funny as I could be.

When I see a good singer, I get teary-eyed. Part of it is jealousy because all comedians are frustrated rock stars. That's a fact.

How is it possible that Courtney Love looks worse than Kurt Cobain?

I've always liked cops, as much as you can like a group of people, you know? Sure, I've been hassled, but I'm a white dude - privileged.

Instead of running for President, why don’t you try walking on a treadmill?

My life and my career have been a series of happy and not so happy accidents.

It really bothers me when some people say that all cops are racist. Of course that's not true. Most of you are just [expletive] to everybody.

In a war the most dangerous thing is to understand the enemy. To understand is to forgive.

If we glorify God (not self) in everything we do then everything on earth will glorify God.

Beyond your wildest imagination, there is something worth working for.

fLIFE says Loneliness Is Friendly Enemy -shivangi lavaniya

When our children are old enough, and if we can afford to, we send them to college, where ... the point is to acquire the skills not of positive thinking but of critical thinking.

From an acting point of view you need to look at what you're bringing in.

I can easily ignore my detractors and feel the people who respond favorably.

I prefer people who don't get caught, and if they do get caught, I prefer people who don't give in.

Anything that gets children reading is fine.

Manners require time, and nothing is more vulgar than haste.