No Groucho is not my real name. I am breaking it in for a friend.

Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others.

If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you.

Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies.

A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.

Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.

Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.

Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.

Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

[He] may talk like an idiot, and look like an idiot, but don't let that fool you: he really is an idiot.

Max, for some people there are no victories, just alternate forms of losing.

Once you have traveled, the voyage never ends, but is played out over and over again in the quietest chambers. The mind can never break off from the journey.

All Excess is ill: But Drunkenness is of the worst Sort.

Each of us has a day ... when he has to accept finally the fact that he is a man.

Most people don't realize that it's not just minorities who don't do well in science and engineering - quite frankly, you're talking about Americans.

If you've seen my books through the years, I've always been a storyteller.

O God, how easily I make them happy! Give me strength to be always the light of their lives and so lead them to You!

None of our competitors have ever made two systems that run the same software.

Money - like health, love, happiness, and all forms of success that you want to create for yourself - is the result of living purposefully. It is not a goal unto itself.

Lobbyists have more offices in Washington than the President. You see, the President only tells Congress what they should do. Lobbyists tell'em what they will do.