No, generally I think influence is used as a nice word for plagiarism.

I wanted to be a brain surgeon, but I had a bad habit of dropping things.

A man goes to the doctor for a check, and the doctor exams him and says I've got bad news, you've got cancer and alzheimers. The man goes Thank god I don't have cancer.

I was talking to Jesus, and I said, Jesus, I feel like no one will ever accept me. And Jesus looked at me and said, You know what my theory is? Accept me or go to hell.

I just don't accept midgets as human beings. There's only so much political correctness I can accept.

I would show up at a party for Al Qaeda if you said there's going to be a dinner.

When you watch Robin Williams, you can see a lot of Jonathan Winters. Robin is the first one to admit that; he worshiped Jonathan Winters.

Every time I give a straight answer and read it in a magazine, I say, 'Ouch.' One day I'd like to talk to a psychoanalyst about why celebrities reveal so much of themselves in interviews.

Comedy historians take note: this Gottfried character doesn't have the best eye for detail - and, for a Jew, he doesn't have the best eye for retail, either.

If you have the Old Testament at home, if you flip the corner pages, you can see Jesus riding a horse.

I'm one of those people that picks up the remote control and just keep hitting constantly, even if I like the show I'm watching.

I was close to getting married a long time ago. But it didn't happen, and since then it has not been happening. It is jinxed, and I am very happy. I hope this jinx continues.

Our knowledge is a little island in a great ocean of nonknowledge.

We all have powers within us that we don't know exist until we're tested. There are no limitations to what you can do if you have the determination.

The rain would not have bothered Fernanda, after all, her whole life had been spent as if it were raining.

I've got a library copy of Gone with the Wind, a quart of milk and all these cookies. Wow! What an orgy!

My parents were married for sixty-five years, and I was married for about ten minutes, my first year at Yale Drama School. Something, somehow, didn't get passed on to my generation.

When I'm in my studio, it usually feels like a hassle to actually press all the buttons and make music come out the other end.

Pure Consciousness, which is the Heart, includes all, and nothing is outside or apart from it. That is the ultimate Truth.

Mathematics is the bold luxury of pure reason, one of the few that remain today.

Probably the most important skill that children learn is how to learn. ... Too often we give children answers to remember rather than problems to solve. This is a mistake.