No illusion is more crucial than the illusion that great success and huge money buy you immunity from the common ills of mankind, such as cars that won't start.

True maturity is only reached when a man realizes he has become a father figure to his girlfriends' boyfriend - and he accepts it

Self-parody is the first portent of age.

Only a rank degenerate would drive 1,500 miles across Texas without eating a chicken fried steak.

Backward is just not a natural direction for Americans to look - historical ignorance remains a national characteristic.

If you wait, all that happens is that you get older.

Uva uvum vivendo varia fit

People would be bored shitless if they had to love only the good in someone they care about.

A woman's love is like the morning dew. It's just as likely to settle on a horse turd as a rose.

Incompetents invariably make trouble for people other than themselves.

Yesterday's gone on down the river and you can't get it back.

Never adjust your goals, amplify your might.

The surest way to a child's heart is to spend time with them.

Annihilate the enemy with acts of kindness only you can afford.

Being a mother was like being trapped in the first fifteen minutes of a horror film. Everything was fine, lovely. But there was this persistent sense of dread.

I wonder if Blue knows she’s repainting her room.I wonder if he’s asking if she wants a ride to the party tonight.I wonder if he knows what being strangled feels like.

The man who prays grows and the muscles of the soul swell from this whipcord to iron bands.

I smoke pot when I work. I take a couple of tokes before I start. It just loosens you up.

Let me ask you, sir, when is the time for brave men to exert themselves in the cause of liberty and their country, if this is not?

Patience is the road to wisdom.

My family pride is something inconceivable. I can't help it. I was born sneering.