No man had ever knocked little Richard down. But of course Ammm was not a man.

You should definitely visit the Louvre, a world-famous art museum where you can view, at close range, the backs of thousands of other tourists trying to see the Mona Lisa.

Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.

Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.

Eating rice cakes is like chewing on a foam coffee cup, only less filling.

It is a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take it from another person's plate.

Sharks are as tough as those football fans who take their shirts off during games in Chicago in January, only more intelligent.

The problem with writing about religion is that you run the risk of offending sincerely religious people, and then they come after you with machetes.

Thanks to modern medical advances such as antibiotics, nasal spray, and Diet Coke, it has become routine for people in the civilized world to pass the age of 40, sometimes more than once.

Thus the metric system did not really catch on in the States, unless you count the increasing popularity of the nine-millimeter bullet.

When I was a boy, I used to wake up thinking that the world was ending.

Happiness: a good bank account, a good cook, and a good digestion.

To wake up in the morning and just know what I'm going to wear, it helps me get out of the house faster.

Blame and betrayal are the emotional enemies of improvement.

I like the sparkle of the vibraphone.

The thing it taught me was that winning's a helluva lot more fun than losing. It also taught me that the team with the best players that worked together the best wins.

If you write well, you don't have to dress funny.

Every performance is different, but I try to approach them in the same way and give it my all.

However, there are those who deserve to die but who have not yet encountered the means to do so—we help them on their way.

North Korea threatened to attack if Sony Pictures released The Interview, forcing us all to pretend that we wanted to see it.