No matter how happily a woman may be married, it always pleases her to discover that there is a nice man who wishes that she were not.

Love is like war: easy to begin but very hard to stop.

On some great and glorious day the plain folks of the land will reach their heart's desire at last, and the White House will be adorned by a downright moron.

The demagogue is one who preaches doctrines he knows to be untrue to men he knows to be idiots.

The whole aim of practical politics is to keep the populace alarmed (and hence clamorous to be led to safety) by menacing it with an endless series of hobgoblins, all of them imaginary.

Morality is doing what is right, no matter what you are told. Religion is doing what you are told, no matter what is right.

Every normal man must be tempted, at times, to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.

Democracy is a pathetic belief in the collective wisdom of individual ignorance.

The urge to save humanity is almost always a false front for the urge to rule.

It is inaccurate to say that I hate everything. I am strongly in favor of common sense, common honesty, and common decency. This makes me forever ineligible for public office.

Democracy is also a form of worship. It is the worship of Jackals by Jackasses.

Thinking something does not make it true. Wanting something does not make it real.

Making fun of born-again Christians is like hunting dairy cows with a high powered rifle and scope.

The guns reminded me that this was just an attempt to punch holes in the darkness that enveloped us now.

A lot of kids are bullied because of their sexual identity or expression. It's often the effeminate boys and the masculine girls, the ones who violate gender norms and expectations, who get bullied.

When an elevator brings u upstairs, you better send it back down in order to bring others up!

We need to do as much as we can from every direction or we will surpass that two-degree climate increase. Actually, the science is showing we are already en route to surpassing two degrees.

American teachers have one indisputable advantage over foreign ones; they understand the American temperament and can judge its unevenness, its lights and its shadows.

I once had a lot of hatred, mainly toward my father, an alcoholic.

I needed to be pushed as an artist and as a person.

The tough thing about writing is you go into a room alone, you close the door and you do your work.