No matter how happily a woman may be married it always pleases her to discover that there is a nice man who wishes she were not.

Love is like war: easy to begin but very hard to stop.

On some great and glorious day the plain folks of the land will reach their heart's desire at last, and the White House will be adorned by a downright moron.

The demagogue is one who preaches doctrines he knows to be untrue to men he knows to be idiots.

The whole aim of practical politics is to keep the populace alarmed (and hence clamorous to be led to safety) by menacing it with an endless series of hobgoblins, all of them imaginary.

Morality is doing what is right, no matter what you are told. Religion is doing what you are told, no matter what is right.

Every normal man must be tempted, at times, to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.

Democracy is a pathetic belief in the collective wisdom of individual ignorance.

The urge to save humanity is almost always a false front for the urge to rule.

It is inaccurate to say that I hate everything. I am strongly in favor of common sense, common honesty, and common decency. This makes me forever ineligible for public office.

Democracy is also a form of worship. It is the worship of Jackals by Jackasses.

...to be able to enjoy the life you have spent, is to live it twice.

May life continue to inspire you for good works and an, inevitable, outcome. May wisdom never fail your endeavors . . .

Freedom is the most valuable asset anyone can ever acquire in life”.

Grover started to sniffle and I figured if I didn't cheer him up he'd either start bawling or chewing up my mattress. He tends to eat household objects whenever he gets upset.

The fact that something is in a rhymed form or in blank verse will not make it good poetry.

I got hate letters from girls all over America because I wouldn't go to the prom with them.

I probably have genius. But no talent.

A sign of the death of the heart: lack of sadness about beneficial actions you have missed, and lack of regret about your mistakes.

There is nothing to do except to be just who you are. You have the right to feel beautiful and enjoy it.

From a long view of the history of mankind the most significant event of the nineteenth century will be judged as Maxwell's discovery of the laws of electrodynamics.