No matter what kind of backgrounds two men are from, if you go, 'Hey, man, women are crazy,' you've got a friend.

There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments.

Right now, my job is that I'm like an ambulance chaser. I've got to look for movies with white guys falling out of them.

Everyone has favorite criminals. Mine are pimps. We can all rob a bank; we can all sell drugs. Being a pimp is a whole other thing.

So, to say Barack Obama is progress is saying that he's the first black person that is qualified to be president. That's not black progress. That's white progress.

Wealth is not about having a lot of money; it's about having a lot of options.

The advantage that my children have is that my children are encountering the nicest white people that America has ever produced. Let’s hope America keeps producing nicer white people.

I don't get high, but sometimes I wish I did. That way, when I messed up in life I would have an excuse. But right now there's no rehab for stupidity.

Most people don't realize this, but you can eat organic, all natural, gluten-free food without telling everyone around you.

Smart is knowing if you're dumb. Knowing when to shut up and to listen to people that are smarter than you.

You know the world is messed up when the tallest man in the NBA is Chinese, the best golfer is black, and the best rapper is white.

Ah! well a-day! what evil looks Had I from old and young! Instead of the cross, the Albatross About my neck was hung.

I don’t want to live— 
I want to love first, and live…incidentally.

Casting directors now just see me as the hard-core sniper or prison guard.

I suppose young people think football is glamorous - soccer - it's big money and the stars of it, they look good and have a great big house and a huge Ferrari.

Few things are as stimulating as other people's calamities observed from a safe distance.

Who wants to shake the hand of the first man to put it to America's sweetheart.

Most US corporations today are over-managed and under-led. They need to develop their capacity to exercise leadership.

The party's just getting started. This is where the fun starts.

The irony of the information age is that it lends credibility to uninformed opinion.

Admire as much as you can. Most people do not admire enough.