No matter what time of year it's always funny when a person walks by me dressed in religious garb and I say Happy Halloween!

Every cookie is a sugar cookie. A cookie without sugar is a cracker.

Just saw an orthodox Jewish kid do 3 pull-ups on the scaffolding. Shattering the previous record.

Don't go back over your life with a red pen.

Some people hate Jews. Fine, alright it's been done. I mean, that's part of my problem with it. Could you hate somebody new? I'm not giving you any suggestions but the Belgians have had a good run.

The key is to get it all down on paper before the coffee stops telling you you're talented.

Rich people are just like us though they now eat their meals off square shaped plates.

If you are 26 years old and you're waking up under Star Wars sheets... the Force is not with you.

The definition of the word nerd has changed. It's now any attractive person with a hobby. The loneliness component is no longer included.

I sometimes throw in a couple of swears just to keep the Christian right off my tail. I wouldn't want to be the tea party's go-to comedian.

The popcorn button on the microwave is a miraculous invention. More miraculous than even the microwave itself.

Efforts + Proper Timing = Success

...forever isn't long enough to have you in my life.

There are times when a lover longs to be also a father and a brother: he is jealous of the years he hasn't shared.

The perfection preached in the gospels never yet built an empire. Every man of action has a strong dose of egotism, pride, hardness, and cunning.

So, open your mouth, lad! For every voice counts!

I don’t think we’re an animal that was built to be happy; we are an animal that was built to reproduce.

The value of a thing is the amount of laboring or work that its possession will save the possessor.

names are a way to keep people in your mind

So the blues player, he ain't worried and bothered, but he's got something for the worried people.

We long to connect, all of us. We long to be noticed, to be cared for, to matter. Generosity is the invisible salve on our wound of loneliness, one that benefits both sides, over and over again.