No matter what your heartache may be, laughing helps you forget it for a few seconds.

Any kid will run any errand for you, if you ask at bedtime.

All men make mistakes, but married men find out about them sooner.

Live by this credo: have a little laugh at life and look around you for happiness instead of sadness. Laughter has always brought me out of unhappy situations.

I personally believe that each of us was put here for a purpose -- to build not to destroy. If I can make people smile, then I have served my purpose for God.

There are three signs of old age: loss of memory ... I forget the other two.

I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always

Exercise? I get it on the golf course. When I see my friends collapse, I run for the paramedics.

Old age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.

I personally believe we were put here to build and not to destroy.

Today's comics use four-letter words as a shortcut to thinking. They're shooting for that big laugh and it becomes a panic thing, using four-letter words to shock people.

I'm in love with you.""Good grief." She kept walking.

We all go through our entire lives not knowing. Wondering. Trying.Untile we sleep.

I guess forgiveness, like happiness, isn’t a final destination. You don’t one day get there and get to stay.

The most luxurious home is the most peaceful one.

New York City has finally hired women to pick up the garbage, which makes sense to me, since, as I've discovered, a good bit of being a woman consists of picking up garbage.

Political satire became obsolete when they awarded Henry Kissinger the Nobel Peace Prize.

The coaches don't have to worry about me not training. The coach is usually there to make sure I'm not over trained.

Ye come and go incessant; we remain Safe in the hallowed quiets of the past; Be reverent, ye who flit and are forgot, Of faith so nobly realized as this.

The thing is, I'm happiest when I'm on stage.

With great power... comes great need to take a nap. Wake me up later.