No one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend.

Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others.

If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you.

Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies.

A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.

Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.

Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.

Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.

Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

[He] may talk like an idiot, and look like an idiot, but don't let that fool you: he really is an idiot.

You can't stay in your corner of the forest waiting for others to come to you. You have to go to them sometimes.

A human can alter their field, but can't change the world.

In the struggle for survival, the fittest win out at the expense of their rivals because they succeed in adapting themselves best to their environment.

You like it, that's all, whether it's a landscape or abstract. You like it. It hits you. You don't have to read it. The work of art-sculpture or painting-forces your eye.

I don't throw my clothes out after one wear. Shocking, I know.

I think I know it all, relatively speaking.

I respect everything I make fun of.

I never thought I would ever say this . . . but I'm wearing flats today.

Nature abhors annihilation. [Lat., Ab interitu naturam abhorrere.]

When people do not respect us we are sharply offended; yet in his private heart no man much respects himself.