No one knows what's next, but everybody does it.

Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?

I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me . . they’re cramming for their final exam.

I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?

Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.

Some people have no idea what they're doing, and a lot of them are really good at it.

All the media and the politicians ever talk about is things that separate us, things that make us different from one another

Don’t just teach your children to read… Teach them to question what they read. Teach them to question everything.

In America, anyone can become president. That's the problem.

Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music.

There is a planet named Pluto, but we don't have one named Goofy. Goofy would be a good name for this planet. It certainly qualifies.

Hope and carbohydrates were a powerful combination.

Wow,” says Peter, “when your guidance counselor tells you to die, you really have problems.

It doesn't bother me that people are stupid. I'm not stupid.

Dr. Einstein: Yes; But this year the answers are different.

I am 30, but there are things about me that are still 15.

Only when you’re willing to take 100 percent responsibility for making the relationship work will it work. Otherwise, a relationship left to chance will always be vulnerable to disaster.

As to conforming outwardly and living your own life inwardly, I do not think much of that.

If I'm making myself laugh, I figure most of my readers will be amused as well.

So now 20 years later people want us to get together so they can take shots at all these old babes trying to get back some youth. I mean come on; I've been there. I know what the press would do.

All flowers will droop in the absence of the sun that waked their sweets.