No one's dream job involves a kiosk.

It's never your successful friends posting the inspirational quotes

Rappers shouldn't have to file taxes because they itemize everything they own in songs.

Paul Ryan looks like the car rental salesman who bullies you into getting full coverage.

Before taking the stage, Paul Ryan spent 6 hours staring into a mirror working on 'concerned eyebrow.'

My other car is a vehicle with a bumper sticker describing this car.

My life is now a constant assessment of whether what's happening in real life is more entertaining than what's happening on my phone.

Forget the Bible, the greatest argument against human evolution is a YouTube comment thread.

Religion is like a personal computer. You let people in if you want to... We're all gods.

I never talked about architecture with my father, which I regret

I want to scare the hell out of the rest of the world.

All true love is grounded on esteem.

But the dreams of designing diplomats do not always prosper, and we must trust the future .

People have this impression that I'm a little kooky, but I'm actually very OCD.

Passion drives perfection.

On the top of each peak you are on the edge of the abyss

I've been asked if I ever get the DTs. I don't know. It's hard to tell where Hollywood ends and the DTs begin.