No one so dislikes being punished unjustly as the person who might have been punished justly on scores of previous occasions, if he had only been found out.

Why don't you get a haircut? You look like a chrysanthemum.

There is only one cure for gray hair. It was invented by a Frenchman. It is called the guillotine.

There is no surer foundation for a beautiful friendship than a mutual taste in literature.

It is never difficult to distinguish between a Scotsman with a grievance and a ray of sunshine.

I always advise people never to give advice.

The fascination of shooting as a sport depends almost wholly on whether you are at the right or wrong end of the gun.

Gussie, a glutton for punishment, stared at himself in the mirror.

It was my Uncle George who discovered that alcohol was a food well in advance of modern medical thought.

As we grow older and realize more clearly the limitations of human happiness, we come to see that the only real and abiding pleasure in life is to give pleasure to other people.

The voice of Love seemed to call to me, but it was a wrong number.

He who laughs most, learns best

Don't sit around waiting for it to happen. Get out there and make it happen!

You'll never find peace of mind until you listen to your heart.

Did you hear something, Nora?” Vee asked. “I thought I heard something.” “You definitely heard something,” I agreed. “Could that be … a dog fart I heard?” Vee asked me.

I need you to pray for me; I need you to care for me. I need you to want me to win. I need to know where I'm heading, because I know where I've been.

Money and fame that photography can bring you are wonderful, but nothing can compare to the joy of seeing something new.

I'm a Giants fan through and through. I am crazy about Eli Manning. I'm all about the Giants.

There are few things that's forever, my lady. We can make war or make babies.

When I get off tour, I want nothing to do with anyone.

The chief problem in any community cursed with crime is not the punishment of the criminals, but the preventing of the young from being trained to crime.