No one tells me what to do -- in any capacity.

A Muslim allowed a topless Jew to sit on his camel. And we say we can't live side by side? I say we try and we can and we will. And you don't even have to be topless. L'chaim.

We usually have margaritas on Thursdays but since it's Tuesday I'll make an exception.

Even if times are tough and you're enduring a terrible heartache, it's important to focus your anger on a vibrator, not another person.

Laugh loudly, laugh often, and most important, laugh at yourself.

I can't be skinny all the time. I like to drink and I like to eat. I like burgers and bagels.

I think we can all agree that sleeping around is a great way to meet people.

I'm very much about letting other people shine, because it makes us all shine brighter.

You do not OWN a dog. You HAVE a dog. And the dog HAS YOU

There are no warning signs on the trampoline. The warning is the trampoline.

I don't like the word 'alcoholic'. I like to think of myself as an advanced drinker.

A deep level of personal engagement is key to good writing and complete immersion by the writer will translate into a richer and more engaging experience for the reader.

I went to prom with my boyfriend, but after the dance he left me at a party all by myself. It was awful!

David was the last one we would have chosen to fight the giant, but he was chosen of God.

I'm interested in giving business an opportunity by improving the tax environment to invest and grow with Pennsylvania, to expand and put more money in capital investment and creating jobs.

Connecting to something keeps our empathy alive.

To a newspaperman, a human being is an item with skin wrapped around it.

I don't think Harry cares about being forgiven," Poppy said glumly. "Of course he does. Men love to be forgiven. It makes us feel better about our inability to learn from our mistakes.

Grammar, which can govern even Kings.

There is no such thing as a commodity. It is simply a product waiting to be differentiated.

If people are not listening to you as individuals, it's always good to get together and make a stand for something.