No one who has had "Taps" played for them has ever been able to hear it.

Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?

I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me . . they’re cramming for their final exam.

I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?

Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.

Some people have no idea what they're doing, and a lot of them are really good at it.

All the media and the politicians ever talk about is things that separate us, things that make us different from one another

Don’t just teach your children to read… Teach them to question what they read. Teach them to question everything.

In America, anyone can become president. That's the problem.

Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music.

There is a planet named Pluto, but we don't have one named Goofy. Goofy would be a good name for this planet. It certainly qualifies.

It takes more courage to smile than to frown. So meet the world with a smile and the courageous will smile back.

It is essential to the triumph of reform that it shall never succeed.

I write songs for people who drive in cars. I really do.

Whether it happened so or not I do not know; but if you think about it you can see that it is true.

It's a pity we don't whistle at one another, like birds. Words are misleading.

If I stopped touring tomorrow, it wouldn't change my life.

As actors, you play people who are not yourselves!

I think comedy is the hardest actual form of writing there is.

The science [geometry] is pursued for the sake of the knowledge of what eternally exists, and not of what comes for a moment into existence, and then perishes.

The Lady' is a piddling little magazine that no one cares about or buys.