No politician is perfect. But in every election in your life, there will be one choice that is better than the others. Go out and vote for that one.

I have a problem with people who take the Constitution loosely and the Bible literally.

The reason I love my dog so much is because when I come home, he's the only one in the world who treats me like I'm the Beatles.

Let's face it; God has a big ego problem. Why do we always have to worship him?

The problem is that the people with the most ridiculous ideas are always the people who are most certain of them.

If you have a gun, you can rob a bank, but if you have a bank, you can rob everyone.

False hope really makes you cynical.

To a coward, courage always looks like stupidity.

It's not getting any better for the American people. It seems to be getting worse. That's predictable; education is a cycle. Stupidity breeds more stupidity.

You know what happens when windmills collapse into the sea? A splash.

Here's the thing about Donald Trump: He never apologizes. He's never wrong, no matter what crazy thing he says. He's totally - he's the white Kanye.

When birds look into houses, what impossible worlds they see.

Sometimes, you have to make the choice to forgive 10 times a day when you have these pockets of anger come up. That's a lot of work, but to me it's worthwhile.

Everyone is guilty of something or has something to conceal. All one has to do is look hard enough to find what it is.

I don't have a tuxedo that fits anymore because my chest and my biceps are too big.

It's always a good idea to sit at the fun table.

I can wear a hat or take it off, but either way it's a conversation piece.

"Be courageous and keep moving forward"... that's kind of the mantra that I've tried to keep.

Make the right decision even when nobody's looking and you will always turn out okay.

The measure of a man is what happens when nothing works and you got the guts to go on.

Writing is a marathon, not a sprint.