Nobody can make more fun of me than I already make of myself.

Racism isn't born, folks, it's taught. I have a two-year-old son. You know what he hates? Naps! End of list.

I think we should take Iraq and Iran and combine them into one country and call it Irate. All the pissed off people live in one place and get it over with.

Life Sucks,get a helmet

You know why the French hate us so much? Thay gave us the croissant. And you know what we did with it? We turned it into our croissandwich, thank you very much.

Why hate someone for the color of their skin when there are much better reasons to hate them?

Crisis doesn't create character; it reveals it.

Ann Romney talking about middle class moms is like Chris Christie talking about a salad

There we were in the middle of a sexual revolution wearing clothes that guaranteed we wouldn't get laid.

I'm really happy I went to a Catholic school because a lot of the repressive tactics they use make for great senses of humor.

What firefighters, and people in our military and cops do is separate from what the rest of us do, basically these people say "I'm going to protect all these strangers."

When someone hates you, send them flowers.

My skin is too thick and bullet proof to touch me.

In the Bhagavad-Gita Krishna says: Arjuna you cannot avoid action. Everyone is stuck in the world of action. The world of action is forever.

I felt attacked because people rejected me. They didn't say "we can give you money to do something else if you want," they just said "no, this movie cannot be done" and I said "okay, so I'll do it!"

The only artist who does not deserve respect is the one who works to please the public, for commercial success or for official success.

It is crucial to have inspiring leaders who deliver on their promises. Cynicism has run deep, because many people think their vote does not matter or do vote and nothing happens.

Don't be absent from your own life.

there simply is no way to describe the past without lying. Our memories are not like fiction. They are fiction.

99% of the putts that are short don't go in the hole

I could be an idiot, or I can serve in Congress, but I repeat myself.