Nobody enjoys the 'little show about nothing' humor more than me, but that is never the way I look at it.

Looking at cleavage is like looking at the sun. You don't stare at it, it's too risky. You get a sense of it and then you look away.

These pretzels are making me thirsty!

Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason.

Men want the same thing from their underwear that they want from women: a little bit of support, and a little bit of freedom.

The IRS! They're like the Mafia, they can take anything they want!

So let me get this straight. You find yourself in the kitchen. You see an éclair in the receptacle... and you think to yourself: "What the hell, I'll just eat some trash."

People who read the tabloids deserve to be lied to.

A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don't have a top for it.

Keep your head up in failure and your head down in success.

Airline hostesses show you how to use a seatbelt in case you haven't been in a car since 1965.

A book gets rejected because it's not ready to be published.

He was big, that Sid. He was a force, a character, and I wondered fleetingly if Sally and I would ever seem as big to our offspring as Sid had seemed to us.

Ill habits gather unseen degrees, as brooks make rivers, rivers run to seas.

His life is a watch or a vision Between a sleep and a sleep.

A friend, even if he be the enemy's son , should be protected.

Will you join me in hearing the case for keeping weapons from those who preach death to Israel and America?

Those good men who take such pleasure in relieving the miserable for Christ's sake, would not have been less forward to minister onto Christ Himself.

Room service? Send up a larger room.

I want to be able to control things and that's very difficult to do if you're not 100% in a particular language. It makes you uncertain and it makes you nervous.