Nobody ever asks a father how he manages to combine marriage and a career.

When you finally go back to your old home, you find it wasn't the old home you missed but your childhood.

Hard work spotlights the character of people: some turn up their sleeves, some turn up their noses, and some don't turn up at all.

Inflation is when you pay fifteen dollars for the ten-dollar haircut you used to get for five dollars when you had hair.

A man can please his wife with a box of candy, surprise her with a bouquet of flowers, and make her suspicious with a gold bracelet.

A man commented to his lunch companion: My wife had a funny dream last night. She dreamed she'd married a millionaire. You're lucky, sighed the companion. My wife dreams that in the daytime.

Nothing is as frustrating as arguing with someone who knows what he's talking about.

When you feel neglected, think of the female salmon, who lays 3,000,000 eggs but no one remembers her on Mother's Day.

It's not the hours you put in your work that counts, it's the work you put in the hours.

Success has a simple formula: do your best, and people may like it.

Computers are like bikinis. They save people a lot of guesswork.

She's just a girl who dreams too deeply for this world.

I just wanted one more day." More tears welled up in her eyes. "But it would never be enough. I could keep asking for one more day for the rest of my life.

Not necessarily conscription but conscription if necessary.

To strip our past of glory is no great loss, but to deny it honor is devastating.

Exploding is a perfectly normal medical phenomenon.

I'm at the stage in life where I get a lot of pleasure out of finding a cheap stock.

I cannot understand why my arm is not a lilac tree.

The key to success is to love what you do or to do what you love, no matter if you're doing it big time or in a small way.

To get a job where the only thing you have to do in your career is to make people laugh-well, its the best job in the world.

To an artist, creating an image means being in love with it.