Nobody gets justice. People only get good luck or bad luck.

We're born alone, we live alone, we die alone. Only through our love and friendship can we create the illusion for the moment that we're not alone.

Ask not what you can do for your country. Ask what's for lunch.

Create your own visual style... let it be unique for yourself and yet identifiable for others.

Race hate isn't human nature; race hate is the abandonment of human nature.

Popularity should be no scale for the election of politicians. If it would depend on popularity, Donald Duck and The Muppets would take seats in senate.

My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people.

The essential is to excite the spectators. If that means playing Hamlet on a flying trapeze or in an aquarium, you do it.

If there hadn't been women we'd still be squatting in a cave eating raw meat, because we made civilization in order to impress our girlfriends.

If you want a happy ending, that depends, of course, on where you stop your story.

Personally, I don't like a girlfriend to have a husband. If she'll fool her husband, I figure she'll fool me.

One thing hatred can do very well is to attack what it hates!

Lust and love. They both put a fire in your damn shorts.

The best way to deal with your past is not to avoid thinking about it or trying to forget it, but to accept it happened, forgive yourself and move on.

Today's public education system is a failed monopoly: bureaucratic rigid and in unsteady control of dissatisfied captive markets.

The merit claimed for the Anglican Church is that if you let it alone it will let you alone.

You simply keep putting down one damn word after the other, as you hear them, as they come to you. You can either set brick as a laborer or as an artist.

I'm one of the great unemployed looking for the next job. I'm waiting for the right offer. Like anyone, I want something that turns me on inside.

The sky is so clear today you can see all the way to Missouri.

In learning to know other things, and other minds, we become more intimately acquainted with ourselves, and are to ourselves better worth knowing.

I think maybe I became funny because as a kid, I was a Jew in a town of no Jews, and being funny just instinctively came about as a way to put people at ease around me.