Nobody is really happy with what's on their head. People with straight hair want curly, people with curly want straight, and bald people want everyone to be blind.

I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

When I eventually met Mr. Right I had no idea that his first name was Always.

I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult.

It wasn't that no one asked me to the prom, it was that no one would tell me where it was.

I was going to have cosmetic surgery until I noticed that the doctor's office was full of portraits by Picasso.

I don't want to push the envelope. Let the envelope stay in the middle of the table. I'll just make you laugh.

I was a ballerina. I had to quit after I injured a groin muscle. It wasn't mine.

In Hollywood a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk.

The word 'aerobics' came about when the gym instructors got together and said: If we're going to charge $10 an hour, we can't call it Jumping up and down.

I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end and say to myself "well, that's not going to happen

Truly, truly, the grace of God is never without any effect.

To profoundly understand a baby, you must first be a mother.

Celebrate every new day you are alive to witness, because being among the living is a blessing that often disappoints some of the people who deserve it the most.

If we could make our house a home, and then make it a sanctuary, I think we could truly find paradise on Earth.

It's a weird age. They're like, 'Amy, I'm pregnant.' And I still don't know whether to be like, 'Congratulations,' or 'Do you need a ride?

When people go through something rough in life, they say, "I'm taking it one day at a time." Yes, so is everybody. Because that's how time works.

I'm a substitute mom." "You're more like a crazy aunt who only gets called when somebody needs bailing out of jail.

It is important to understand that there are many different ways of seeing the world and expressing the wisdom of Native belief...No one voice speaks for all voices.

Everything that you receive is not measured according to its actual size, but, rather that of the receiving vessel.

I'm the dad, the cleanup guy. I deal with the bigger messes. But I also provide more adventures and excitement. It works out.