Nobody realizes that I work 18 hours-a-day for a solid month to make that TV hour look like it's never been rehearsed!

Be awfully nice to them going up, because you're gonna meet them all coming down.

My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe.

Make someone happy, Make just one someone happy, And you will be happy, too.

Everybody wants to get into the act!

My nose isn't big. I just happen to have a very small head.

All of us have schnozzles... if not in our faces, then in our character, minds or habits. When we admit our schnozzles, instead of defending them, we begin to laugh, and the world laughs with us.

Everybody wants ta get inta da act!

Politics is developing more comedians than radio ever did.

Don't put no constrictions on da people. Leave 'em ta hell alone.

What did Napolean do for relaxation? He read a book. What did Lincoln do for relaxation? He read a book. What does Congress do for relaxation? They book a red.

Go where your best prayers take you.

Never marry who doesn't love you, If you do it, your ordeal will turn into hell.

Life is here only to be lived so that we can, through life, earn the right to death, which to me is paradise. Whatever it is that will bring me the reward of paradise, I'll do the best I can.

Happy is love or friendship when returned-- The lovers whose pure flames have equal burned.

When you look at what people consider success in the music industry, it's just terrible music.

Diplomacy without military might is like music without instruments.

I was on the playground all night. I ain't never go to parties or nothing. I'd get out of school at 3 and be out there playing until one in the morning with one streetlight. For real.

Whatever you do, it's over when you do it - but first you have to do it.

People with a high tolerance for boredom can get a lot of thinking done.

This is not writing at all. Indeed, I could say that Shakespeare surpasses literature altogether, if I knew what I meant.