Nobody's going to get a hot dog at my concert!

I used to jog but the ice cubes kept falling out of my glass.

Money can't buy you happiness, but it can buy you a yacht big enough to pull up right alongside it.

I would just like to say that after all these years of heavy drinking, bright lights and late nights, I still don't need glasses. I drink right out of the bottle.

If you subtracted all of the great artists who never drank, who never went to excess, you wouldn't have any more art left. What kind of poem are you gonna get out of a glass of iced tea?

The perfect woman has an IQ of 150, wants to make love until 4 in the morning, then turns into a pizza!

When I die, sprinkle my ashes over the 80's.

I'm not conceited. Conceit is a fault and I have no faults.

Remember, life is just a game and no one gets out alive

If you want to split a bottle with a friend, then Sammy Hagar is your guy. If you want to split your friend with a bottle than give me a call.

If you put a Van Halen album in your record collection, it will melt all the rest of your records.

The religious definition of truth is not that it is universal but that it is absolute.

There is nobody else on earth like you and me. Let us be who we are meant to be.

If our focus is on how we are supposed to feel then we deny ourselves the joy of freedom in how we truly feel.

I do not know where the road may end, but I will keep traveling onward.

If you ask the hungry man how much is two and two he replies four loaves.

To the extent that we can shine a light on the bad things being done, that's going to have a positive impact.

Reincarnation is the dissolution of the self. It's like going swimming in the ocean, no one ever comes out, because one has become the ocean.

I need so much time for doing nothing that I have no time for work.

Nature never deserts the wise and pure; no plot so narrow, be but nature there; no waste so vacant, but may well employ each faculty of sense, and keep the heart awake to love and beauty.

Everyone on this planet has spirit within them as an all powerful force for good.