None of us kids had a middle name. We were lucky we had any name at all. By the time my mother got around to naming one, there was another on the way.

I honestly think it is better to be a failure at something you love than to be a success at something you hate.

You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you're down there.

There's an old saying, 'Life begins at forty.' That's silly. Life begins every morning you wake up.

Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.

First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.

Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxicabs and cutting hair.

I look to the future because that's where I'm going to spend the rest of my life.

It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth.

I love to sing, and I love to drink scotch. Most people would rather hear me drink scotch.

I get up every morning and read the obituary column. If my name's not there, I eat breakfast.

I'm a drinker with writing problems.

Knowledge is borrowed wisdom is unique.

I envythe cup of coffeethat getsto kissyour sleepy lipsawakeevery cold andbitter morning.

We got into music to avoid a job, and get lots of girls.

While aromatherapy is practiced by medical doctors in France, this has not been the case in England and the United States.

It's incumbent on good public servants to maintain their voices and originality of thinking.

Obama is attacking every business. He is attacking every employer and employee. He is attacking the system. He has a perverse mind.

We are corrupted by good fortune. [Lat., Felicitate corrumpimur.]

All my friends started getting boyfriends, but I didn't want a boyfriend, I wanted a thirteen-colour biro.