Not everyone who drinks is a poet. Some of us drink because we're not poets.

I'm always looking for meaningful one-night stands.

The best car safety device is a rear-view mirror with a cop in it.

Volvo — they're boxy but they're good.

Music is the surest way of reaching someone else's heart.

Jaguar — For men who'd like hand-jobs from beautiful women they hardly know.

I wish I had a dime for every dime I have.

I am trapped in this body, and there is nothing I can do about it.

I can hear the music all around me.

I certainly did feel inferior. Because of class. Because of strength. Because of height. I guess if I'd been able to hit somebody in the nose, I wouldn't have been a comic.

In the course of an average lifetime anyone growing up in a house with such a clock will hear the tune over a million times.

An effective life is a life of purpose

The Pact of Munich is signed. Czechoslovakia as a power is out.

SERIAL, n. A literary work, usually a story that is not true, creeping through several issues of a newspaper or magazine.

Heaven plants a special seed, and we must have faith.

A kiss is like singing into someone's mouth.

I think people have made their minds up about Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton. They love them and hate them - love them or hate them.

It takes courage to begin something, but it can take even more to end it.

The ordinary routines of life are never chronicled by the historian, but they make up almost the whole of experience.

We need to mock false gods publicly.

They stayed away in droves.