Not many women will go out on a limb to make themselves really unattractive and unfeminine so you can get the laughs, but it's a great thing to do in my book.

By puberty I learned that nothing worth having could be easily attained and to succeed one must be single minded.

As long as we prioritize material truths over spiritual truths we will live in tyranny because we are living an illusion

You must not feel persecuted and examined. Liberate yourself from the idea that people are watching you.

The thing I thought about doing it was it's Comic Relief and you've got to be funny. So although I did try to sing properly it obviously has hilarious results when you can't sing.

People say you should read your criticism because it will make you a better person but it doesn't. It just makes you a sad bitter old showbiz nightmare.

I get fixated when I'm bleeding -- I can see why they went in for blood-letting in the medieval times because it makes you feel a bit better. When I cut myself, the drama of it calms me down.

A library doesn't need windows. A library is a window.

There are two types of people in this world: one who opens a packet of biscuits, has one and puts the rest back in the cupboard, and one who eats the whole packet in one go.

The bad-boy label is just an assumption.

There are 10-20 times more male comics than female comics; it's something to do with the social structure of society.

God´s love proves God´s rightousness.

Speaking less and doing more says more.

Beastly things, teeth. Give us trouble from the cradle to the grave.

Even our beliefs have become trend statements. We don’t even believe things because we believe them anymore. We only believe things because they are cool things to believe.

I cannot abide useless people.

Decision by democratic majority vote is a fine form of government, but it's a stinking way to create.

I'm taking one for the team, Like Martin Luther King, taking one for a dream

As a kid I was goofy and creative and sensitive. I like to think I'm all of those now too - just with wrinkles.

Sometimes the funniest people don't know that they're funny - like the administrators in my high school.

Music is an element that should be part and parcel of every child's life via the education system.