Not unlike the toaster, I control darkness.

Children see magic because they look for it.

He loved constantly, instantly, spontaneously, without thought or words. That's what he taught me. Love is not something you think about, it is a state in which you dwell. That was his gift.

It's wildly irritating to have invented something as revolutionary as sarcasm, only to have it abused by amateurs.

If you think anyone is sane you just don’t know enough about them. The key — and this is very relevant in our case — is to find someone whose insanity dovetails with your own.

Oh, we are but soft and squishy bags of mortality rolling in a bin of sharp circumstance, leaking life until we collapse, flaccid, into our own despair.

Nobody's perfect... Well, there was this one guy, but we killed him.

I was seven before I realized that you could eat breakfast with your pants on.

If you think anyone is sane you just don't know enough about them.

Canada is a myth people made up to entertain children, like the Tooth Fairy. There’s no such place.

So hey, once Joshua heals your brother, you want to go do something, get some pomegranate juice, a falafel,or get married or something?

Live in a way that is worth Christ dying for.

Religious beliefs evolved by group-selection, tribe competing against tribe, and the illogic of religions is not a weakness but their essential strength.

Birth and death are the most singular events we experience - and the contemplation of death, as of birth, should be a thing of beauty, not ignobility.

It matters less to venerate things than to live with them on terms of good friendship.

Timing is the essence of life, and definitely of comedy.

Dealing with ads is depressing. You don’t make anyone’s life better by making advertisements work better.

Greek is doubtless the most perfect [language] that has been contrived by the art of man.

At last someone takes me seriously.

The rapturuous, wild, and ineffable pleasure of drinking at somebody else's expense

Every day, I come home with a spring in my step. We've got to work together to stop the Obama agenda and take this country back.