Nothing ages your car as much as the sight of your neighbor's new one.

Zoo: An excellent place to study the habits of human beings.

Success is the good fortune that comes from aspiration, desperation, perspiration,and inspiration.

All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy - and Jill a wealthy widow.

The mint makes it first, it is up to you to make it last.

America believes in education: the average professor earns more money in a year than a professional athlete earns in a whole week.

Anger is the feeling that makes your mouth work faster than your mind.

This may be the age of automation, but love is still being made by hand.

Statistics: The only science that enables different experts using the same figures to draw different conclusions.

Family: A social unit where the father is concerned with parking space, the children with outer space, and the mother with closet space.

The only place where you can find equality is in the cemetery.

...your antagonist is a hero in their own mind... p.192

. . . you have blighted the promise of youth, and made my life a wilderness!

It is important to correct bad behavior one toe at a time.

As long as you are being true to yourself, you will always find happiness.

There's nothing I'd really rather do, or can do, except cook.

To read and write will help you understand life. . .to sew and mend will help you survive it.

Some girls get swept up in the lifestyle-clubbing and partying with celebrities. You can't live your life like that, though. It's fake.

Most of the people who will walk after me will be children, so make the beat keep time with short steps.

My apartment looks like no one lives in it.

People are screwed up in this world. I'd rather be with someone screwed up and open about it than somebody perfect and ready to explode.