Nothing annoys a man as to hear a woman promising to love him "forever" when he merely wanted her to love him for a few weeks.

A wise woman puts a grain of sugar into everything she says to a man, and takes a grain of salt with everything he says to her.

Life begins at 40 - but so do fallen arches, rheumatism, faulty eyesight, and the tendency to tell a story to the same person, three or four times.

Before marriage, a man declares that he would lay down his life to serve you; after marriage, he won't even lay down his newspaper to talk to you.

Love, like a chicken salad or restaurant hash, must be taken with blind faith or it loses its flavor.

Marriage is like twirling a baton, turning hand springs or eating with chopsticks. It looks easy until you try it.

A man never knows how to say goodbye; a woman never knows when to say it.

A bride at her second marriage does not wear a veil. She wants to see what she is getting.

A good woman inspires a man, a brilliant woman interests him, a beautiful woman fascinates him, but a sympathetic woman gets him.

Wedding: the point at which a man stops toasting a woman and begins roasting her.

The chief excitement in a woman's life is spotting women who are fatter than she is.

Sometimes you can cattle rope your heart and sometimes you can't, is all.

Though my eyes cannot see beyond what I can see, I can see beyond what I cannot see

Twitter is the place where I try to be more funny. And then I use Instagram just as my diary. I pull some jokes on there, but I think people have a better sense of humor on Twitter.

My real adversary has no name, no face, no party. It will never be elected, yet it governs - the adversary is the world of finance.

One should not pursue goals that are easily achieved. One must develop an instinct for what one can just barely achieve through one’s greatest efforts.

the greatest learning of the ages lies in accepting life exactly as it comes to us.

I have lived with magic and without magic, and I can tell you with certainty that a life with magic is better.

All is well with me. The rain doesn't reach me, my room is well heated, what more can one ask for? There's no shortage of work, either.

To see is to think, and to think is to see.

Thank you for your input; I can tell you are struggling towards being interesting.