Nothing in life is fun for the whole family. There are no massage parlors with ice cream and free jewelry.

Looking at cleavage is like looking at the sun. You don't stare at it, it's too risky. You get a sense of it and then you look away.

These pretzels are making me thirsty!

Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason.

Men want the same thing from their underwear that they want from women: a little bit of support, and a little bit of freedom.

The IRS! They're like the Mafia, they can take anything they want!

So let me get this straight. You find yourself in the kitchen. You see an éclair in the receptacle... and you think to yourself: "What the hell, I'll just eat some trash."

People who read the tabloids deserve to be lied to.

A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don't have a top for it.

Keep your head up in failure and your head down in success.

Airline hostesses show you how to use a seatbelt in case you haven't been in a car since 1965.

I am a dead man alive.

To win one Moonman is amazing, to win two is incredible.

I don't eat junk foods and I don't think junk thoughts.

I guess when I really think about it, God's voice sounds a lot like my voice.

what is seen must always be the outcome of much that is unseen.

It's always been a desire of mine to work with my parents

Money hasn't any value of its own; it represents the stored up energy of men and women and is really just someone's promise to pay a certain amount of that energy.

Contempt is egotism in ill- humor.

I do think sometimes people get morally superior without understanding situations.

If the French were really intelligent, they'd speak English.