Nothing is a better icebreaker than a great joke.

I can smell bullshit from a mile away but it's so much harder to detect when it's around you all day.

I'm a late-night guy.

I can always get better. A lot of my ex-girlfriends don't think I'm funny.

I don't laugh out loud at comics a lot.

Here's how you know that you're really drunk: when you get into a taxi cab and you think the fare is the time.

Losing my mind sounds so pessimistic. I prefer the term winning my insanity.

When people refer to 'Back in the Day,' it was a Wednesday. Just a little fun fact for you.

I'm quitting the business today. I'm going to open up an appliance store, I've always really been into toasters. I'm giving it all up.

I don't write any of my material down. I like to improvise and be spontaneous.

Trolls look for reasons to hate but really what they are mad at is the fact they are not included in anything ever.

Life is a tragedy of nutrition

Believing there is a bridge from where you are to where you want to go is 99% of the battle. The other 1% is to cross it.

The most courageous act in politics is to try to understand your opponent.

My preparation is mainly just knowing the lines and getting in and knowing where your character is, knowing what it's about and having ideas that you can put in on the day.

This diagnosis can be done in about two lines. It doesn't engage anybody.

When you have the enthusiasm and the passion, you end up figuring how to excel.

Love wins. It does win. We know it wins.

There is no free market in oil.

I so rarely have the chance to field-test anything. Amelie is so conservative about these things -Myrnin

A real dictator usually isn't interested in money or women, just pure power.