Nothing is good in moderation. You cannot know good in anything until you have torn the heart out of it by excess.

The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one.

Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.

Always forgive your enemies nothing annoys them so much.

It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating.

Everyone may not be good, but there's always something good in everyone. Never judge anyone shortly because every saint has a past and every sinner has a future.

To live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people exist, that is all.

Be yourself; everyone else is taken.

Women are made to be loved, not understood.

Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.

I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.

A sense of duty is useful in work but offensive in personal relations. People wish to be liked, not to be endured with patient resignation.

Pantagruelism is a certain gaitey of the spirit consisting in a disdain for the hazards of fortune.

Organized religion is a sham and a crutch for weak-minded people

Sometimes I can't read my own handwriting. That's a problem!

Creationism: the theory that Rome was built in a day.

Yes, I wish I'd done it sooner.

I'll never get used to living without Mo, but the painful things that surround what happened to him aren't so painful any more - not so raw or so new.

I hope they invent a machine in which you type in the age you want to be, and it lifts and separates everything nonsurgically.

The rest of the people know the condition of the country, for they live in it, but Congress has no idea what is going on in America, so the President has to tell 'em.