Nothing is so embarrassing as watching someone do something that you said couldn't be done.

When you finally go back to your old home, you find it wasn't the old home you missed but your childhood.

Hard work spotlights the character of people: some turn up their sleeves, some turn up their noses, and some don't turn up at all.

Inflation is when you pay fifteen dollars for the ten-dollar haircut you used to get for five dollars when you had hair.

A man can please his wife with a box of candy, surprise her with a bouquet of flowers, and make her suspicious with a gold bracelet.

A man commented to his lunch companion: My wife had a funny dream last night. She dreamed she'd married a millionaire. You're lucky, sighed the companion. My wife dreams that in the daytime.

Nothing is as frustrating as arguing with someone who knows what he's talking about.

When you feel neglected, think of the female salmon, who lays 3,000,000 eggs but no one remembers her on Mother's Day.

It's not the hours you put in your work that counts, it's the work you put in the hours.

Success has a simple formula: do your best, and people may like it.

Computers are like bikinis. They save people a lot of guesswork.

The moonlight covered the tombstones with an ethereal glow, and the statues above the tombs stood like silent guards waiting for something to happen.

All that a man hath will he give for his life.

Modern diplomats approach every problem with an open mouth.

The best stories you usually hear are stories that people feel some type of urgency about.

Nevertheless, she did not weep, because, for one thing, it would have made her eyes red, and another, it would be of very little use.

I've had a very laughable career and what has seen me through is my sense of humor.

The game overall has gotten so much better, stronger, more physical parts to the game.

I still can’t believe [ Muhammad Ali ] knows my name. It astounds me he knows who I am. I first met Ali in 1976. I was locked up in a juvenile home and he came to visit. I’ve never forgotten it.

I'm very comfortable writing in the first person; it dives into the character in a way that's difficult if you're writing in the third person.

There's pressure, but that's true no matter who you are or what you do.