Nothing is so perfectly amusing as a total change of ideas.

Respect for ourselves guides our morals, respect for others guides our manners.

A good simile,--as concise as a king's declaration of love.

I take a simple view of life. It is keep your eyes open and get on with it.

Men tire themselves in pursuit of rest.

Only the brave know how to forgive... a coward never forgave; it is not in his nature.

The desire of knowledge, like the thirst of riches, increases ever with the acquisition of it.

There is nothing so awkward as courting a woman whilst she is making sausages.

Freethinkers are generally those who never think at all.

Keyholes are the occasions of more sin and wickedness, than all other holes in this world put together.

So much of motion, is so much of life, and so much of joy, and to stand still, or get on but slowly, is death and the devil.

I wonder that if you keep growing and changing like you're supposed to, if you always end up embarrassed about how stupid you used to be. Every year I realize how dumb I was the year before.

God will not punish you when you speak your mind, because he speaks through you if he truly lives in you.

As a guiding principle, life shrinks and life expands in direct proportion to your willingness to assume risk.

The American people are not anti-immigrant. We are concerned about the lack of coherence in our immigration policy and enforcement.

I liked the fact that I was forced to get inside of my emotions and to really try to figure out a lot of what I was going through.

We must take human nature as we find it, perfection falls not to the share of mortals.

All the technology in the world will never replace a positive attitude.

Growing older is not upsetting; being perceived as old is.

Punch a man on the nose, kick an old man downstairs, shoot somebody or any old thing like that, that’s my job. But argue with women in love—no thank you!

Some of those more out-there jokes were written in the wee hours of the morning. Somehow, they remained funny the next day.