Nothing ruins the mood during foreplay more than the recurring image of your sixty-five-year-old homeroom teacher trying to stretch a condom over a cucumber.

Here in Hollywood you can actually get a marriage license printed on an Etch-A-Sketch.

The radical right is so homophobic that they're blaming global warming on the AIDS quilt.

Washington, DC is to lying what Wisconsin is to cheese.

The easiest job in the world has to be coroner. Surgery on dead people. What's the worst thing that could happen? If everything went wrong, maybe you'd get a pulse.

We need anything politically important rationed out like Pez: small, sweet, and coming out of a funny, plastic head.

You've got bad eating habits if you use a grocery cart in 7-Eleven.

Maybe democrats will eventually turn on Obamacare when they realize you might need a photo I.D. to participate in the program.

Xenophobia doesn't benefit anybody unless you're playing high-stakes Scrabble.

There is a chalk outline slowly being drawn around common sense and most people can't identify the victim.

It's foolish to be prejudiced. There are so many reasons to hate people on an individual basis.

men are undoubtedly more in danger from prosperity than from adversity. for when matters go smoothly, they flatter themselves, and are intoxicated by their success

'Lady Wisdom' is my wife and those I reach with Truth understood are my children".~R. Alan Woods [2012]

Where life ends, peace begins!

Do something that feels good in the mornings! It will help you to setup your day to take in more knowledge and understanding, which ultimately leads to wisdom.

I love this profession, but God, it can just destroy people, and I don't want that to happen and become some monster.

Usually, I walk around and think about things. When I come across a thought that makes me laugh, I write it down.

The sharpest sting of adversity it borrows from our own impatience.

Avoiding problems you need to face is avoiding the life you need to live.

It's easy to grin when your ship comes in and you've got the stock market beat. But the man worthwhile is the man who can smile when his shorts are too tight in the seat.

Power is not a material possession that can be given, it is the ability to act. Power must be taken, it is never given.