Nothing translates worse than comedy into the printed word.

Blood may be thicker than water, but it is still sticky, unpleasant and generally nauseating.

To me, there is no greater act of courage than being the one who kisses first.

I guess I just prefer to see the dark side of things. The glass is always half-empty. And cracked. And I just cut my lip on it. And chipped a tooth.

Men are allowed to age. Men are allowed to gain weight. Men are allowed to be quirky looking.

It’s mentally exhausting, feeling bad about something you can do nothing about.

Taking into account the public's regrettable lack of taste, it is incumbent upon you not to fit in.

When I see the American flag, I go, 'Oh my God, you're insulting me.'

The world would be better off with multiple superpowers. When Communist USSR was a superpower, the world was better off.

This dress exacerbates the genetic betrayal that is my legacy.

I can't wait for the next fad though, and I predict it's going to be Pennsylvania dutch culture, very Amish. It's going to be bonnets and butter churns.

Love makes the world go round? Not at all. Whiskey makes it go round twice as fast.

Explore often. Only when you will know how small you are and how big the world is.

It is the darkness that makes the light visible, and not the other way around.

Much of human communication is a monologue delivered to anyone who will listen. A real dialogue allows many to express and has the chance of leading to more discovery.•

I don't rank competitions - every single one is the Olympics to me.

Less is even less, and more is still not quite enough.

Freedom is the direction of history, because freedom is the permanent hope of humanity.

You're just jealous." "Hardly. Been there, done you. Adequate, but unremarkable.

Our needs cancel each other out, and that's as solid a base for love as any.

When we are in groups, when we are surrounded by people who believe what we believe, trust emerges and our very survival and progress goes up.