Now I got a time machine at home. It only goes foreword at regular speed. It's essentially a cardboard box and on the outside I wrote time machine in sharpie.

I bought a cactus. A week later it died. And I got depressed, because I thought, Damn. I am less nurturing than a desert.

How fast does a zebra have to run before it looks gray.

I wear dark sunglasses when I want my head to look more like a limousine.

The clothes make the man. The children working in sweatshops make the clothes. Therefore, the children working in sweatshops make the man.

A lot of people like lollipops. I don't like lollipops. To me, a lollipop is hard candy plus garbage. I don't need a handle. Just give me the candy.

Earrings are the same as sneezes: Two is okay, but ten in a row is annoying. If you have two then, God bless you.

The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.

The digital camera is a great invention because it allows us to reminisce. Instantly.

A drunk driver is very dangerous. So is a drunk backseat driver if he's persuasive.

When you have a fat friend there are no see-saws, only catapults.

Don't waste your time trying to win people over that can never be won over.

Literature matters because it is how humanity, with all its losses and joys, can become a work of art.

We tend to forget that life can only be defined in the present tense.

The swan in the pool is singing, And up and down doth he steer, And, singing gently ever, Dips under the water clear.

The worker is the slave of capitalist society, the female worker is the slave of that slave.

Instead of asking for help, I just dig in and do everything myself.

Also, as an author, character has always been what I'm most interested in - much more so than plot or setting, although those are good things too.

A small pay discrepancy between men's and women's salaries for the same job may seem inconsequential. But over the years, salary discrimination adds up to a significantly smaller pension.

It's more important to be in right relationship than it is to be right.

The world cannot afford to lose the talents of half it's people if we are to solve the many problems that beset us.