Now, I'm no doctor, but I am on TV. And in my professional opinion, George Bush is a paranoid schizophrenic.

I have a problem with people who take the Constitution loosely and the Bible literally.

The reason I love my dog so much is because when I come home, he's the only one in the world who treats me like I'm the Beatles.

Let's face it; God has a big ego problem. Why do we always have to worship him?

The problem is that the people with the most ridiculous ideas are always the people who are most certain of them.

If you have a gun, you can rob a bank, but if you have a bank, you can rob everyone.

False hope really makes you cynical.

To a coward, courage always looks like stupidity.

It's not getting any better for the American people. It seems to be getting worse. That's predictable; education is a cycle. Stupidity breeds more stupidity.

You know what happens when windmills collapse into the sea? A splash.

Here's the thing about Donald Trump: He never apologizes. He's never wrong, no matter what crazy thing he says. He's totally - he's the white Kanye.

If a man asks me for my loyalty...I will give him my honesty.If a man asks me for my honesty...I will give him my loyalty!

Conscience reigns but it does not govern.

Noble souls through dust and heat rise from disaster and defeat the stronger.

It is a golden maxim to cultivate the garden for the nose, and the eyes will take care of themselves.

Diligent as one must be in learning, one must be as diligent in forgetting; otherwise the process is one of pedantry, not culture.

We must unite. Violence against women cannot be tolerated, in any form, in any context, in any circumstance, by any political leader or by any government.

When I was 13, I was just figuring out how to play 'Eruption,' poorly, by Eddie Van Halen.

The first path a human being ever travels is the path that leads out of the maternal womb. Every human being's first labyrinth is that of a woman.

If there is one path above all others to war, it is the path of weakness and disunity.

You find your strengths and play them up.