Now, I've gotten to the point in my career, I'm 13 years in, to where I know that I'm funny. I know that I'm good at this.

That is the most confusing and insane thing to me, when people get offended on behalf of another group.

I hate that when people are like, "Well, all dwarves know each other, right?" And you want to get mad, but you can't because we do.

I want to go to Australia so bad, do comedy there, and see the people there. It's a great country. I have friends that are Australian that have told me all about it. I want to do comedy there.

It takes a surprisingly large amount of intelligence to be a professional idiot.

The vast majority of people that have gotten mad at me for a joke that I've made were people that were, A, never going to see me in the first place, or, B, were dragged to see me by somebody else.

Comedian makes the statement that just isn't true.

I don't get to the global issues or anything like that. I am just trying to be silly.

People ask me a lot like, "Hey, so when are you done with your tour?" Like when I die. That's when I'm done with my tour.

Everyone's extremely and easily offended now.

It's very confusing to me why people take comedians so seriously.

There is nothing higher-class than real craftsmanship, diversity, originality and the service of skilled human hands.

When you feel that unpleasant darkness invading your mind, read this book and these stories will help you return to the light and warmth of life.

My heart is lost

Grudges are like hand grenades: it is wise to release them before they destroy you.

May we never risk the life of our souls by being resentful or by bearing grudges.

The saddest of all failures is that of a soul, with its capabilities and possibilities, failing of life everlasting, and entering upon that night of death upon which morning never dawns.

Gosh, I'd like to direct Our Town on stage.

This is...self-knowled ge-for a man to know what he knows, and what he does not know.

I wish I sang better.

I think energy is the most important thing that we can give to people as performers. Anything else is a little bit pretentious. But energy is not.