Now, as a comic, if you're vaguely amusing you can go straight into TV, then you play the O2 and then everyone's sick of you.

If I won the lottery I'd start a charity that helped little family hardware stores, cobblers and fruit shops open in city centres.

My name is Alexei Yuri Gagarin Siege of Stalingrad Glorious Five Year Plan Sputnik Tractor Moscow Dynamo Back Four Balowski. Me Dad was a bit of a Communist, know what I mean?

Honestly, sometimes I get really fed up of my subconscious - it's like it's got a mind of its own.

People are more violently opposed to fur than leather because it's safer to harass rich women than motorcycle gangs.

Americans have different ways of saying things. They say 'elevator', we say 'lift'... they say 'President', we say 'stupid psychopathic git.

Yuri Gagarin, the first man in space, may have had his charms, but he really couldn't be considered hip.

There's a part of me that still hates everything, and my natural view default setting is still very cynical and dark

I've been going to Granada for many years and 12 years ago bought a house a few miles outside the city.

If sitcoms were easy to write, there'd be a lot of good ones, and there aren't.

Dire Straits is a great band. Someone tells you they like ""Brothers in Arms"" and immediately you know they're a stupid annoying git.

I wish I were like you pa. I wish I had not been afraid, all my life! Pg.55

'Tis the night - the night Of the grave's delight.

Man is an animal that cannot long be left in safety without occupation; the growth of his fallow nature is apt to run into weeds.

I had parents who instilled in me the importance of love, morals and hard work. I give God all the glory because he has brought me through so much.

Farewells have reasons. If you can sense the reality, time is the medicine.

Live in such a way, that if someone speaks badly of you no one would belive it. Playing dress-up begins at age five and never truly ends.

Reform is for people who have government connections, revolution is for the people!

Take a day to heal from the lies you've told yourself and the ones that have been told to you.

As soon as you Botox your smile lines away, you lose part of your identity.

Certainly, my uni days involved some statements that I wouldn't make today.