Now did you know if a stick insect laid it's eggs in a jar of Bovril it will give birth to a litter of twiglets.

Velcro: what a rip-off.

Black beauty - he's a dark horse.

I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah. He was trying to pull a fast one.

You see I'm against hunting, in fact I'm a hunt saboteur. I go out the night before and shoot the fox.

Ive decided to sell my Hoover… well, it was just collecting dust.

I went out on a date with Simile. I don't know what I metaphor.

I was reading a book... 'the history of glue' - I couldn't put it down.

Crime in multi-storey car parks. That is wrong on so many different levels.

So I said to the gym instructor: 'Can you teach me to do the splits?' He said: 'How flexible are you?' I said: I can't make Tuesdays.'

So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red.

Yo Mama's like mustard, she spreads easy.

The aging process has you firmly in its grasp if you never get the urge to throw a snowball.

It's never your successful friends posting the inspirational quotes

Once you can express yourself, you can tell the world what you want from it. All the changes in the world, for good or evil, were first brought about by words.

It's important to have the right agent - people that are working hard for you. But an actor needs to be in control of their career no matter how good the representation is.

Kurt Vonnegut speaking to John Irving while Irving was administering the Heimlich maneuver in response to Vonnegut's uncontrollable coughing..."John,stop- I am not choking. I have emphysema.

I like to think of characters in relation to other cinematic characters.

Trees have as much individuality as human beings. Not even two spruces are alike. There is always some kink or curve or bend of bough to single each one out from its fellows.

To solve a problem it is necessary to think. It is necessary to think even to decide what facts to collect.

To my daughter I will say, ‘when the men come, set yourself on fire.’