Now let me get this straight. Bush is anti-abortion, but pro-death penalty. I guess it's all in the timing, huh?

Here in Hollywood you can actually get a marriage license printed on an Etch-A-Sketch.

The radical right is so homophobic that they're blaming global warming on the AIDS quilt.

Washington, DC is to lying what Wisconsin is to cheese.

The easiest job in the world has to be coroner. Surgery on dead people. What's the worst thing that could happen? If everything went wrong, maybe you'd get a pulse.

We need anything politically important rationed out like Pez: small, sweet, and coming out of a funny, plastic head.

You've got bad eating habits if you use a grocery cart in 7-Eleven.

Maybe democrats will eventually turn on Obamacare when they realize you might need a photo I.D. to participate in the program.

Xenophobia doesn't benefit anybody unless you're playing high-stakes Scrabble.

There is a chalk outline slowly being drawn around common sense and most people can't identify the victim.

It's foolish to be prejudiced. There are so many reasons to hate people on an individual basis.

Reality is only a dream, based on values and well worn principles, whereas the dream goes on forever.

I don't see why it matters what is written. Not when it's about people. It can always be crossed out.

Yes there's a lady that stands in a harbor for what we believe. And there's a bell that still echoes the price that it cost to be free.

If I were to command a general to turn into a seagull, and if the general did not obey, that would not be the general's fault. It would be mine.

In many ways, Im younger than I was 20 years ago.

If I fancy a girl, I'll tell her. I'll say: 'You're fit.

We must be ever on the search for some persons whom we shall love and who will love us in return. If good will and affection are taken away, every joy is taken from life.

In the presence of death I affirm and reaffirm the truth of all that I have said against the superstitions of the world. I would say that much on the subject with my last breath.

There is no irritant as painful as an ace up your sleeve that you can never use; it's the kind of thing that causes oysters to produce pearls.

How else could he go on, except with merciful incomprehension held before him like a shield? How could anyone?