Now, most dentist's chairs go up and down, don't they? The one I was in went back and forwards. I thought 'This is unusual'. And the dentist said to me 'Mr Vine, get out of the filing cabinet.

Velcro: what a rip-off.

Black beauty - he's a dark horse.

I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah. He was trying to pull a fast one.

You see I'm against hunting, in fact I'm a hunt saboteur. I go out the night before and shoot the fox.

Ive decided to sell my Hoover… well, it was just collecting dust.

I went out on a date with Simile. I don't know what I metaphor.

I was reading a book... 'the history of glue' - I couldn't put it down.

Crime in multi-storey car parks. That is wrong on so many different levels.

So I said to the gym instructor: 'Can you teach me to do the splits?' He said: 'How flexible are you?' I said: I can't make Tuesdays.'

So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red.

Openness to change is key to implementing new knowledge. That is why one who is indifferent to change is not a friend of knowledge.

Laughter is the brush that sweeps away the cobwebs of the heart.

God bears with the wicked but not forever.

If we make provision for sinning tomorrow, we will be sinning tomorrow.

Don't assume your child is weak. If you, the parent, assume that they can't take anymore, what kind of signal are you sending them?

Hiring people is an art, not a science, and resumes can't tell you whether someone will fit into a company's culture.

Alas, by the time Fate caught up with my life, Chance had it all planned.

The Founders warned that a free society depends on a virtuous and moral people. The current crisis reflects that their concerns were justified.

You have this special place - America, you want it to remain special, you better find out why it became special.

As iron put into the fire loseth its rust and becometh clearly red-hot, so he that wholly turneth himself unto God puts off all slothfulness, and is transformed into a new man.