Now people are coming up to meet me at my shows and they're doing my bits! One guy earlier was at 7-11 and he comes up to me and goes "you want a falcon?".

I don't want to die tomorrow knowing I could've had a piece of cake tonight.

There's 5 levels of fatness! Fluffy is one of the levels. There's big, healthy, husky, fluffy and damn.

Why do people measure life by the years instead of how good the years were?

I drink diet coke so I can eat regular cake.

Me racist? The only race I hate is the one you have to run.

Life is measured by how you lived it, not by the years.

With all the classes they offer at school, how come they don't have one for common sense?

When you go to Hawaii, it's all about "Aloha." It means hello, goodbye and I love you.

You live by the cake, you die by the cake.

I had to travel half way across the world to be called an American.

It was the end for something. It was the beginning for another. But in reality it just fell in the middle. In that confusing moment of time between my birth and my death.

The thing I believe in most in the world is my own fallibility, so I am willing to believe that I may be wrong too.

The fact is that it was bourgeois white feminism that I was reacting against when I stood in my first women's studies classes and said, "Black women have always worked."

Whenever I go on a show with a comedian I just counter punch.

Cities collect people, stray and lost and deliberate arrivants.

I guess we're living in a pretty sensitive world and there's nothing you can do about that.

Because until we write it down, we don't know what is actually at the root of our lives.

Truth rings no bells.

The writer considers sayability before anything else.

I've always said, "You make a lot of money in Major League Baseball, and it's all guaranteed, so what do you have to lose by going all out?" .