Now that I’ve reached the ripe old age of retirement, I feel it my duty to teach you everything I’ve learnt about love, so listen closely. Love is like… That’s as far as I’ve gotten I’m afraid.

My limits know me well enough to stay out of my way.

No religion can fully accept another religion, that’s the one belief all religions share

The other day, a friend of a friend said that everyone started out as girls, but boys evolved… But don’t worry girls, I hit him.

You could say I’m so manly I don’t even allow manly stereotypes to influence my actions

Hating Britain is a fundamental part of being British

How fickle is my young male heart as it avidly jumps from love to love

Losing your virginity is a lot like when you find out that Santa doesn’t exist… First you’re slightly disappointed, and then you’re happy because you’re in on the secret

By passing your GCSEs you prove that you’re not an idiot… But by passing your A levels you prove that you’re smart

Love is the one thing in this world that you should never have to go through alone… For unreciprocated love is the most soul crushing experience you will ever go through.

Why does everyone have to pretend to be stupid and not know long words?

Infinity and Always.

Everybody's funny if you love them.

Everyone would like to behave like a pagan, with everyone else behaving like a Christian.

Life is loneliness, broken only by the gods taunting us with friendship and the odd bonk

a person who was clever ought to be clever enough not to be unjust or deliberately unkind to anyone.

Leave the rest to the gods.

I was born into a world that was already dying; I belong to it.

I very much wished not to be noticed, and to be left alone, and I sort of succeeded.

If people knew how hard I worked at my art, they would not consider me a genius.