Now that doctors have stopped making house calls, lots of patients now have to die without their help.

If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door

If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door.

If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?

My doctor told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already.

Laughter is an instant vacation.

Anytime a person goes into a delicatessen and orders a pastrami on white bread, somewhere a Jew dies.

The problem with life is, by the time you can read women like a book, your library card has expired.

Laughter is the best medicine in the world.

Marriage is one of the few institutions that allow a man to do as his wife pleases.

A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.

Inspiration, Admiration - Motivation [I AM]- a very well defined characteristic of the SOUL.

Only if we understand our past, can we move forward to a brighter future.

No. No more surprises. No more secrets. Or so help me, I will rip off your own leg and beat you with it.

Love isn't a waste of time

By the end of World War II, we were the most powerful and least damaged of the great nations. We also had most of the money. America's hegemony lasted exactly five years.

I always seem to have a vague feeling that he is a Satan among musicians, a fallen angel in the darkness who is perpetually seeking to fight his way back to happiness.

On the motionless branches of some trees, autumn berries hung like clusters of coral beads, as in those fabled orchards where the fruits were jewels . . .

In order to trust your body as a guide, the first step is to begin to understand it.

People would ask me, "what do you want to be when you're older?" and I'd be like, "a singer," and they'd be like, "what do you really want to be?" and I'd be like, "oh, I really want to be a singer."

As much as we sometimes roll our eyes at the ivory-tower isolation of universities, they continue to serve as remarkable engines of innovation.